Hi (:
My name is Chair and I rock.
Seventeen candles on the 28th September '09. I ♥ cocktails, cocaine, and clubbing.

PARAMORE
is the bomb.
you know you love me
xoxo


put a more detailed profile here. (:




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at 10:42 PM

i really want to remember this night forever. not that it meant anything, but...... it just was much better than i ever expected.

m asked me whether if i was keen on watching a movie cos he had 2 free tickets, so we ended up watching robin hood. the movie was scheduled at 9pm, and by 8.30pm he still hadn't contacted me. i was wondering if the thing was still on, and i was scared to msg him cos i was scared of the answer. i was scared that if he said he forgot or he was with someone else, i wouldn't be able to take the pain. i felt like one of those girls in the movies, where they go through all the effort to dress up and look pretty, only to find out the object of their affections were out with some other girl or something. which pretty much sucks as really. but by 8.30pm i was pretty anxious, and he hadn't contacted me the whole day, so i did msg him and he said yes, it was still on. then he picked me up, late, in typical m fashion, and it was already 9.03pm and we were still on the road to the cinema. and then we spent the next 10 minutes or so driving round the place looking for a parking space. oh. the movie was scheduled to start at 9pm btw. :P when we finally got into the cinema it was already like 9.15pm, and the movie just started.

it ended about 11.20pm, and we decided to go for drinks. non-alcoholic, of course, bcos i don't drink and he had to drive. so after driving about for 10 mins or so, we ended up right back where we started, at a cafe beside the cinema. it's pretty annoying that very little eateries are open on saturday night. even the cafe we went to closed at midnight, and we went in at 11.40pm. the kitchen was closed but thankfully they still served drinks. we both had ice chocolates, which was good but oh-so-sinful, and then we went back to his place cos i needed to borrow his calculator. our uni has this stupid policy that they only allow 3 calculator models, so i couldn't use mine. i didn't want to waste $16, so i'll just go back in june and borrow sis'. and exams are next week.....so yea....

but it was good thing he didn't bring his calculator, cos it gave me an excuse to see his place that i'd been dying to see for a while. it was.......messy. haha! maybe cos he has a lot of stuff and his room is really pretty small. but before we went in, he had this special kind of skateboard in the boot of his car, so since he lived next to the railway station we took advantage of the flat ground and he showed me how he did it. 'twas pretty fun. :) then we finally went up to his room and he turned on the tv and they were showing 'rumour has it'. and in one scene it showed jennifer aniston just suddenly kissing a guy on the cheek, and i was wondering what would happen if i did it to him. but of course i didn't bcos if i did it would irrevocably ruin our friendship, and i wouldn't have a ride back to my place. we hung out, he showed me his medical textbooks, showed me some family photos on facebook, and i just randomly volunteered some information about my family too.

he usually sleeps early, and it was already way past midnight. he said he was tired and of course i didn't want to overstay my welcome, which i probably already had. he fetched me back and i liked the fact that he didn't drive off immediately, and i could still turn around and wave goodbye to him. of course he didn't wait until i was in the house cos i'm not his gf or anything, but at least till i got my keys out? i got to my room and i checked the time: 2.12am. :)

my conclusion is that i still don't know a lot about him, and that he surprised me by liking stuff that i didn't expect. he likes clubbing, but doesn't really go cos he said he's not a really good dancer. :P and i'm really, really sad and heartbroken that he will be going back to christchurch in 2012. cos he has a choice to stay in dunedin, christchurch or auckland for his clinical years, and he has his own family and house in christchurch so there's no reason for him to stay in dunedin where he has to pay rent. and come to think of it, it's only 1.5 years away! :((((( just the thought of it makes me wana cry. :( sigh!

but even though he has made it quite clear that he doesn't reciprocate my feelings, i'm actually grateful for this bout of feelings, and what it has taught me. he's the first guy that sends me home after taking me out though i'm just a normal friend to him, he's the FIRST GUY EVER that u put on makeup for when i go out with him. (k, just foundation to cover up my flaws, but omg i discovered this amazing foundation. Photoready makeup by Revlon. i love it, it's awesome.)and he's the first guy that made me think that i would be really proud to bring him home to meet my family if he was my bf. i can already imagine my parents telling me that i have chosen well. unfortunately, it's not going to be him in this lifetime, but he certainly has set the bar really high, and all the other unfortunate candidates would definitely be measured against him as the benchmark. :P it definitely stings a bit, but i think tonight i really have been able to better put things into perspective, where i have learnt to accept what i'm feeling, and that it's ok to feel this way about somebody but be rejected. and also to see that even if we can't be lovers, i'd take his friendship any day, and the fact that we're able to enjoy each others company is infinitely precious to me, and i won't trade it for the world.

i had a little cry just now, and i think i'll go wash up and clean the makeup off my face, then crawl into bed and have another good bout of waterworks. but i duno. i feel like after tonight i'll be brave enough to say: yes, i like him. but we're going to remain as friends and that's ok. i'll have more courage and patience to not try and rush things and hope for anything more. basically let nature take its course.

wow. long post. but i guess i really needed to type this and let it all out cos saying it someone can be pretty embarrassing at times. haha...... he said he is game for doing spontaneous things with me. maybe next time i'll suggest we take a road trip somewhere? :P oh gosh it's 3.47am. i really need to catch some Zs.......