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My name is Chair and I rock.
Seventeen candles on the 28th September '09. I ♥ cocktails, cocaine, and clubbing.

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at 5:44 PM

today is the last day of january. i can't believe that i''ve survived 1 month already!! considering i don't really like it. today is ethel's birthday too! happy birthday dear!! i bet she's having a great time at vj. but then again, when does ethel NOT fit in? haha......

swim pe was what i expected. not so bad la. it happened exactly as i thought it would. walked to the sports complex with ryan, and i realised that this was the most i ever spoke to him. usually i can go for days without talking to him, and he's in my class. so i learnt that even guys were shy about swim pe. LOL. i didn't know. i always thought they were the spontaneous, thick skin type. turns out they're not. haha. so it was really quite unglam to see the guys walking around topless and with skin tight trunks, so i was looking down most of the time. until margareth said loudly:" shixian has 6 pecs leh!" well, i HAD to see that didn't I? you don't let a clear view of washboard abs go to waste! if only I had my glasses to see better. XDXDXD i got streamed into the advanced group. hate backstroke i tell you. you have a fear of bumping your head, and it hurts like shit. rinsed off the chlorine and went to GP with my hair looking like god-knows-what. i would never step out of the house with my hair looking like that, and i was walking halfway round the school ok?!! wth, yingx, you know how fussy i am about my hair right? damn it la. but as a whole, swim pe won't kill, but i would prefer to do without it.

lessons seemed to crawl as the day progressed, until bio came! i tell you, my bio teacher is the best teacher IN THE WORLD. if i don't stay in ac, i'll definately give him a farewell card to say thank you. he's freaking cool. we were just copying stuff from the transparency and when we had finished what we had to do with 10 minutes left, we said:" ok. we've finished. let's slack." i was like, are you for real? but apparently he was. he even told us about his lasic surgery. he asked us to sleep, talk, and even asked about our swimming pe. i love him man. and after school, i was waiting at the school gate for mum. he walked past me and I said, :"bye sir." and he was like "bye pei hua." he's just super duper nice. i really really pray to god hope he teaches me again. i actually don't mind working hard to make him proud. and when you do something wrong, he won't scold you or anything, but just explain nicely. apparently we're his only j1 class. oh yea baybeh. haha. if only all teachers were like him, we kids actually won't mind going to school.

so i was actually feeling kind of down and moody the whole day, cos i'm not very close to my class. i'm not exactly the loud, rah-rah kind, which they so are. and the guys only seem to talk to the noisier, prettier gals like them and not to fat pigs like me. wait, ok they're not very pretty la. but whatever. they're some guys i have not even said 1 word to, and we've been together for almost 2 weeks now. whatever la. i'm not going to start. then while waiting for mum, some guys were running into the school and saying the AC Warrior cheer. the track team i think. i saw this guy kern, who was from my OG, and he waved hello as he ran past. i didn't expect him to remember me! cos you know, guys have short term memory, and i'm not exactly angelina jolie. but he did acknowledge me, and that was so nice of him! my heart immediately had what i fondly call, mushy-mushy feelings. haha. all of a sudden i felt that everything was ok, that i had friends in AC. yea, it was probably nothing to him, but it meant the world to me. so my friends, i just want to say that some small gestures may seem to be nothing or no big deal to you, but it can mean so much to someone else; the simple pleasures in life that money cannot buy. :)

good news for yingxy. MUM SAYS I CAN GO IN JUNE!!!! YAHHOOOOOO!!! dad is fine with it too i think, but he says better wait for results first, cos if i don't score well, i won't feel like going even if he lets me go. hmmm..........i'm so sick of studying in singapore yingxy. i want to join you in canada. :(








-(left, go left, go left right! AC!) x2 (who you wanna be a? AC WARRIOR!) x2 how far? all the way! halfway? NO WAY! any sweat? No sweat, chicken feet HAHA, ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!!!


at 6:38 PM

kicked off the day with PE. yes, of course it was tough. waddya expect? did loads of push ups, crunches, and ran 3 rounds. it's actually slightly better cos we ran 4 last week. i think cos we had a female teacher today. but to hell with it. all PE teachers are void of compassion. for my 3rd round, i actually ran faster than my 2nd! by about 5-10 seconds leh. not bad, maybe i'm getting a bit of my stamina back!! i better start training for NAPFA, cos this bloody school thinks bronze and below is unfit. what the hell la. and if you don't get at least a silver, you have to do physicals even after napfa. pfft. shit you guys la. i wonder what the bloody principal is doing all day. she says her office is near the track, so can't she see and hear us being tortured?! i'm sure we're all fitter than she man. blast her and the PE policies. even if she didn't implement it, she should at least improve it. i wonder who the bloody fucker ever introduced swim PE.

which brings me to my next rant. swim PE tmr. i'm feeling quite neutral about it at this moment, but i wonder about tmr. we barely have time to rinse of the chlorine ok?! so many of us, so little cubicles, and even less time. whoa lao, i think we have to go in 2 by 2 man. why can't these people have it drilled into their heads that swimming is not a practical exercise to do during PE?!! really, the stupidity of adults really amaze me. i think it should be US students teaching them some logic and common sense, cos common sense really isn't that common. loads of people are void of it.

went to restring and tune the guitar today after school. seesh. i dread having to drag it around all day tmr. it's not exactly a feather. yea, and this is as exciting my day got. really nothing much. and i'm quite convinced that some people in my class are born to contribute to noise pollution. i really wish that they would just shut up, for god sake. they're like spouting hot air and trying to prove that yes, their vocal cords do work. whoa, huge shocker there..........sam says she wants to do the same subject combi as me. yay! but i'm not going to hope that we will be in the same class, cos this stupid school is going to disappoint me again. they've already done it twice. don't need anymore evidence that i'm a huge victim of murphy's law: whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.

and can someone just ask the MOE to pick a date to release the results already?! sick and tired of all the speculation. how hard can it be to just PICK A DATE?! maybe i should do it. i say right now, 30 jan, 7pm.

can't believe that i've survived almost a month at this school. miracles never cease to happen man................






-miracles happen once in a while, when you believe................


at 9:17 PM

today ms tay announced that results will be out on febuary 5th! ok, no big shocker there since i've know since forever, but i was suddenly so excited!! omg, i can't wait!!! (x999999999) yea, i know i'll probably regret it on that day but right now, i want it so bad!! give it to me man!! but there has still been some rumours that it's out this friday or next friday. -_-" can people agree on a date please? but i guess my teacher is the most reliable source eh?

so during contact time today, ms tay wanted a show of hands of who will like to stay in AC if results permit. LOL. of course i was compelled to give the politically correct answer. i mean, i really don't know la. i'll see how swim PE is first. if it's fun or acceptable, i guess i'll stay la. cos PE in jc is equally tough everywhere, even in NJ. which reminds me, PE tmr. oh. my. god. someone just shoot me now. people say we're supposed to run 5 rounds round the track. in other words, i'm a dead do-do bird. as much as i don't mind NJ, i'll have to accept the fact that i have to get used a new environment again. i'm not a fan of AC, but at least I'm used to it already. I'm also changing my subject combi. don't know whether i'll change class, but then again, i won't miss my class even if i do. i think the girls are damn despo. i mean, i'm attracted to darryl, but i don't flaunt it. the only person i will miss is probably Qin Yue. also, I'm waiting for people like bertha, tess and sumin to join me in AC. i'm praying tess doesn't choose to remain in CJC or something. louu, i know you may be a bit upset reading this, but NOTHING IS CONFIRMED GIRL! i still may join you in NJ after all. just speculating here................

i also realised that I got through the weekend without thinking of darryl at all. I even forgot to look out for him during assembly. i also only saw him once today. i think this is a good sign that i'm finally getting over him and taking charge of my feelings. i mean, yea, i still stare when i see him, but i think the emotions are in better control now. :) but boss says she will get me a picture, so i won't complain!!! LOL. i mean, there are loads of people out there wanting to know how he looks like right? :P wait for it people, wait for it..........haha.......

school ended at 4.30pm today. ahhh.......long day. tmr is quite slack, except that i'll be dead by the time PE is over. my poor muscles are gona ache like crazy. i bumped into sarah at the sports complex after school. she said swim PE is fun, so ok, not that bad. i miss that girl so much ok? love you loads sarah!! wish we could be in the same class. haha.....and she smells really nice too! must be her clothes detergent. LOL! :P she also said my OG wants to make an Abraxon tshirt, and we're doing something for valentine's day la. YEAH!!!! ABRAXON ROCKS MY SOCKS. and apparently they have 'invited' themselves to my house. funny sia. ok guys, just give me a date then. :) after that i took a long busride down to orchard delfi to meet mum and sis to get my hair cut. love love love my new style man! ok maybe not a huge difference but it's thinner now. just in time for CNY.

ooooohhh...............almost 10pm. better get ready to zzzzzzzzzzz...... haha. till tmr then! hopefully i will have the energy to type......






-1 down. 6 more days to go.



at 5:06 PM

went shopping today while mum and dad watched "Babel", which of course sis and I can't watch cos it's M18. blast it. i've just realised today how fantastic being the big 1-8 is. well, ok, i've known for quite a long time cos you can only start taking driving lessons at 18. and while at takashimaya, i remembered mum wanted to apply for the Takashimaya credit card so i got the application forms for her. and for the supplementary card, you need to be at least 18 years old. joy oh joy. told you 18 was the magical number. 1 more year to go man. wait for it Pei Hua............wait for it............in the meantime, i'll try not to hold my breath. at the same time, being underaged protects you from those survey people on the street. a couple of them approached me and I was like, "I'm only 17 this year." so they didn't bother me after that. :P

bought my swim suit and goggles today, cos you know, swimming PE on wednesday. seesh. I have CCA on that day! which means I can only go home at 4+, with chlorine in my hair! oh gosh......please let me go to NJ. NJ has china studies in english too, which AC doesn't have. but i'm so unwilling to give up AC uniform, cos it's so nice. and NJ is.........err.......the ugly grey colour. decisions decisions. but somehow, I've got the gut feeling that i'm staying in AC. damn it. and i've decided to change my subject combi!! I think i'll take H1 math, cos H2 math is speaking arabic to me. i saw lou's H1 math notes, and seriously, it's for donkeys to do. LOL!! but I'm just hoping that I can still enter my ivy league universities with H1 math. but then again, if I do well for everything, there's no reason they wouldn't take me right? Right. ok. I'm taking charge of my life and not letting Darryl influence my decisions. are you proud of me yingx? :) and everyone has been asking me who Darryl is. haha. looks like he's a mini celebrity now, thanks to me. LOL. :P

I also bought this really cool shirt for CNY. it's really big, cos you're supposed to wear a spaghetti stripe or tanktop inside. now i gota hunt for the spaghetti stripe. i've already eyeballed a pair of 3/4 pants from Marks and Spencers. shoes, i got them last year already. i need my handbag too. went to a Guess boutique and saw the lovely shoes and handbags. droooooool............ *chants* "must be thrifty........cannot overspend........." yingx, it's no fun for CNY anymore without you. remember we used to wait eagerly to see what each other wears? and of course you would gasp in disbelief at my girly style. now.........no more of that liao. so sad..............:(

i saw some stuff that i feel is really overpriced too. there was this plain clip, with tiny little crystals on it selling for over 40 bucks. my eyes have never opened so wide before. i also saw this really nice dress from DKNY which costs over 700 bucks. i swear, i nearly fainted on the spot. well, i guess you pay for the brand. but i rather spend that money on a LV handbag than on a dress. no one can tell it's from DKNY anyway.

so that's basically what I did today. quite boring la. nothing much. all the time i wish you were here with me yingx, cos you're such a great shopping partner. miss you so much girl. so so much. i really hope I can see you in June, and to hell with all the lessons. now i just got to convince my parents. hopefully good olevel results can be my trump card.

so! till tomorrow then! :)




-whatever will come, will come. and we will have to face it when it does.....................


at 5:12 PM

i started and ended the day with darryl. literally. when i entered the school at about 6.50am in the morning, the first person i recognised was darryl. after school, i was waiting for mum outside the school gate. then i heard a guy's voice, turned around and saw darryl again getting into a taxi with some girl. i don't know whether i was sad or happy, but i sure wanted to be that girl. hiaz, whatever la. I'm not going to care already. i just think fate is playing a cruel joke on me.

just read rachel's blog. and yes rachel dear, i DID flip. i gasped and all. really couldn't believe you withdrew from sajc. if you ask me, i'd say it's freaking cool, and brave. it's really courageous of you to take the less conventional route to university, but no matter what, i wish you the best in life. :) now if only my mum was as reasonable as yours...................-_-"

another uneventful day i must say. AGAIN. sorry yingx, if you were looking forward to some lengthy post. my life isn't as soap opera-ish as i would like it to be. haha. but tomorrow is saturday!! i praise and worship at the feet of the person who invented weekends. and the person who created weekdays can just kick himself to hell. hanging out with lou tomorrow. haven't seen that girl since granny's funeral. going shopping with mum later for CNY stuff. i honestly am not looking forward to it this year. namely cos yingx isn't around, ah ma has passed on and mum is not on good terms with her family. gosh, things really start to suck as you get older. i wish i could just stay at that stage in my life where mum and dad are the world to me, and i don't need anything except them. i won't wish for anything and my head is filled with innocence instead of math and science. ahhh..........the blissful years of childhood.


a picture of 4C3'06. just felt like putting it up. after all, they have been my life and soul for the past 2 years. it's true that time heals all wounds, i don't feel that homesick anymore. i'm just grateful that i have so many beautiful memories to lock in my heart. Peace, and I love you all. 4C3'06 rocks my world. :)

i just realised how apt the song "just so you know" (it's playing on my blog) is. it totally describes the way things are between me and darryl..................



-where has that old friend gone? lost in a Febuary song.............


at 4:36 PM

i've just realised that i'm blogging everyday. mainly for the benefit of Natalie Lim Wan Ying aka yingx to keep her updated on the happenings in my life on the sunny, humid island of singapore. the place she left to lead a cool, (literally) relaxed life in ontario, canada with a nice school with nice people, without PE and without teachers with a stick up their arses.

ok, so today was pretty uneventful. a really boring day. my closest friend in class didn't come today, so i was a loner. no one to talk to. so sad. :( i seriously can't wait to get JAE postings. just give me my olevel results already! damn it! i saw darryl with a girl in his class. they seem to be everywhere together. i don't think they're together, but i sure was seething with jealously. she's from one of the convent schools la. I seriously must learn to take better control of my green eyed monster. darryl also got told off for talking during bio lecture. he was just a few seats away from me. but the lecturer is one mean bitch la. i hate her. so darryl was made to sit in the front row alone. i felt so embarrassed for him. but today, i've decided that i will not look out specially for him anymore, even though the temptation is so great. if I see him in the hallway or in lectures, well, i'll just savour those few moments then look away. i don't wish to hurt myself anymore. i look forward to the day i can paint a new caricacture.....................

saw shawn lee up close today. LOL. some classmates and I were talking in the canteen and he walked past our table. our eyes locked for like 2 seconds and i quickly looked away, cos you know, it's rude to stare. i don't find him that goodlooking. if he wasn't a celebrity, i wouldn't have looked twice his way. GP was quite fun today. we had to write a paragraph starting with the words:"I believe......" on any topic you want. i wrote that i believed that abortion shouldn't be made illegal. a pretty long paragraph i must say. i wrote nearly a page until my classmates were screaming at me to stop. they were all marvelling at how much i could write. -_-" they should see how ethel writes man. they'll just faint on the spot.

yep, that's all worth mentioning about today. told you it was boring. oh yes. we've already finished 2 chapters of math and 1 chapter of chem in school, and i have NO FREAKING CLUE what's going on. nothing enters my head. zilch. nil. nada. i don't know why the hell i go to school for. i need help. professional help.....................





-infactuation sucks. give me my heart back..............


at 6:47 PM

acjc is getting slightly more tolerable. i hope it continues. i woke up this morning with sore shoulders thanks to my 'wonderful' PE lesson yesterday. and it's hurting now too cos today's PE was no less strenuous. and guess what, we ARE going to have swimming PE after all. which leaves me one thing to say. WHAT. THE FUCK. please pardon my language. but at this time, i'm quite grateful for swimming PE cos i think it will be less tiring and boring than running rounds. but of course, they WILL find a way to make me hate it eventually 1 way or another, i'm sure of that. you know, after swimming, they only give us 10 minutes to hose down. they don't expect us to shower. and mind you, my PE lesson is first thing in the morning and that means i'll have chlorine in my hair the whole day. wow, thanks alot. yingx, the next time you see me, i'll be a brunette. i hate PE teachers man. i think all of them have a stick shoved up their arse. i think they actually find joy in torturing us, those saddists. they just envy us youngsters cos unlike them, we're YOUNG. what a joke. my PE teacher even uses the word torture. see, i'm just quoting from the horse's mouth. no exaggeration here.

my form teacher has also successfully learnt my name. twice in less than 5 minutes, she asked me, "you ok Pei Hua? understand?" gosh, do i LOOK like i'm not paying attention? she teaches me chemistry by the way. she's quite nice la. i'll just assume that she's taking the chance to practice my name. i love my bio tutor though. if i stay, i definately hope he teaches me. he's damn funky. his name is Mr Karmen Chua, and he said people used to tease him about his name, for obvious reasons. so he was like "since u all know each other, just write your name on a post-it. you can stick it on your chair, forehead but desk is preferable." haha. he's one of the few teachers i actually like in the school.

olevel results will be out soon. people are all saying feb 5th, and today i heard 12th and i also heard next friday. i don't care la. I JUST WANT IT NOW. NOW NOW NOW!!!! it doesn't matter if i do badly cos i know i won't go above 20 points, and I know what course i'd like to do in poly. and also, the faster i get it, the sooner i can leave this hell hole. met my senior class today. 2SC5. i'm scared of them man. they're all crazy! well, except for charmaine who seems less hyper. but seriously, i think the guys are nuts. but then again, they're guys. need i say more? and this girl talks funny. everytime she talks she rocks back and forth. LOL. funny sia. i wanna know why acjc people are so high and hyper all the time.......

guitar practice today was better than expected. i didn't want to go cos I wanted to go home early, but then, i think i made alot of improvement. i can't wait to learn strumming!! now they require us to buy a guitar. i'm not so keen yet cos i duno whether i'll stay, so anyone got a spare guitar to lend me for about 6 weeks or so? i would really appreciate it!

i'm seriously thinking about changing my subject combi. cos i don't know if I can cope with math and chem. chem is already like speaking another language to me man. i also understand nuts about econs. whoever takes H2 econs has my respect man. brave people. the only thing holding me back is well..................the one starting with the letter D. i'm sure regular readers of my blog know who i'm talking about. cos he takes the same subject combi as me, and that gives me a chance to be in the same class as he after JAE. now i occasionally see him in my lectures, which is very good already cos i hardly see any of my friends. the school is so damn big, and everyone walks around all the time. it feels like eons since i've seen my friends. you know, if i could paint a caricacture of the situation between me and D, it will be him holding my heart and looking anywhere except me, oblivious to my existance. while i'm crawling on the ground at his feet, begging him to return my heart. yes, that's how I feel cos he doesn't know I exist, but he makes me so happy.

I have lost my mind. i'm insane, crazy, lunatic. god help me.



-where will the future take me?


at 4:43 PM

i love charmaine. she's seriously one of the nicest people ever. i met with her early this morning and told her about my difficulties adjusting to the school. she's my senior since crescent btw, and now she's my direct senior, as she was in 2C1'03. LOL. i think we're fated to be senior and junior. haha. anyway, back to the topic. so she said that she had difficulties adjusting too, and she took like, 1 year to like it. oh god, i don't think i can wait 1 year. and when she started, she was at the bottom, but strove hard and made it to the top. she also said she is usually alone, and has only 1 or 2 closer friends, and that I should i should just ignore whatever i don't like, and after some time, i'd just get used to ignoring it. haha. also not to care about the loud and popular girls, who are so pretty and all and the boys all seem to love them; just be yourself. this gives me a chance to know who my real friends are. acjc people also seem to thrive better in the workforce because you know, the school has made us stronger. she's mature beyond her years, that girl. and i love her to bits. (no i'm not les. i have darryl remember? :P) come to think about it, i think i disturbed her studying for her GP test. whoops. anyway, i have about 2 more weeks to make my decision. so my day seemed better today, except for 1 little setback......................

PE. omg, PE killed me. we started off running one round on the track (400m) then we did stretches, push ups, crunchies. yep, we did 3 sets of that. so i basically ran 1.2km. oh my god. this is considering i haven't been working out since..........prelims? oh gosh, i nearly died. my arms felt like jelly. the teacher was kinda funny though. while doing pushups and all, he was yelling stuff like, "don't u guys want to have nice arms to wear with your prom dresses next year? you don't want to wear guys' suits right?" and "vivo city got a lot of new stores. must be fit to wear all the new clothes!" puhleeeeese............ maybe i should go to poly, where there is no PE. LOL. sick of having PE for 10 years man. tmr i have 80 mins of PE. someone just shoot me now. if they work me as hard as they did today, or harder, i'd just die on the spot. then my parents will sue.

I've been living with the dream of being a doctor for so long, it feels so weird to just let it go like that. but i really can't stand chem! omg, the first chapter is enough to kill my brain cells. and well, it happens to be the COMPULSORY subject for medicine. my 2nd choice would be to do accountancy, which if I'm serious about doing, i might as well go to poly! instead of doing useless subjects like geog, bio blah blah for the sake of filling up the 3 H2s and 1 H1. i seriously don't see why an accountant would need to know about functions. and the jc curriculum freaks me out big time. however, i don't know what kind of people i'd meet at poly, and I can kiss my ivy league universities goodbye. we'd probably have loads of projects too. oh gosh, so confusing so confusing!! after results, I better go to the temple and shake that thingy. don't know what it's called. today i just saw the ad for open house at NAFA. i think i'll better go take a look.





-and I better let go of the pain; let love rain down on me................


at 6:40 PM

this school is going to be the death of me. seriously. i think we're going to have swimming pe after all. no, that is not my biggest headache. i just DON'T. CLICK. WITH. THE. SCHOOL. i duno why my mum can't understand that fact. i really don't see why she loves acjc so much. seriously. i think she can go marry the school. i've never seen anyone as anti-njc as her too. i think i'm going to sink into depression. the 1st thing i did when i got home was cry. my eyes did well up with tears a couple of times in school, but it didn't spill over, thank god.

the idea of suicide has never been more inviting. i keep thinking of slitting my wrists, which i will never do, don't worry, cos i can't stand the pain. when i was walking pingan this afternoon, i wanted to just run to the middle of the road and get knocked down by a car, and never wake up again. i think mum isn't taking me seriously, she just thinks i'm being childish. all i'm asking is to forgo these 1st 3 months of school to do my piano diploma. is that so hard to ask? it's not as if people who score very well for prelims choose not to go for 1st 3 months. so why can't i back out too? the one thing keeping me in this blasted place is darryl. FUCK LA!!! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD YOU ASSHOLE!! i've never been in a worst mood before. everytime i see him, i feel so happy. and i miss him when i don't. Lim Pei Hua, you are a crazy, insane psycho freak. you really are.

I'm now flipping through polytechnic brochures. i think that the jc route may not be for me. after all, it says here that the diploma is accreditted with several pretty good universities, both local and abroad. shit la, i missed the open house. damn it!!

please, let me survive this 2 weeks or so. give me the strength and courage i need. i'm begging you. whoever can, please help me.....................hear my plea...............




-if we're meant to be, we will meet again somehow..........


at 9:11 PM

i will try my best to fit in. i won't turn around anymore to look at sarah and sukhveen(unless they call me). i will go to lectures and pay attention and study hard. i will be nice to everyone and smile warmly. (ok, that sounds retarded) i will try to accept having boys in my class. i will learn to love my class and my school. i will survive this 2 weeks or so until olevel results are out. i will keep an open mind. i will stop trying to persuade myself to like lit just so i can be in the same class as siti. i will try to enjoy guitar ensemble. i will stop thinking that my friends in njc will embrace me warmly if i go there, because chances is that they won't, cos they have new friends already. i will stop letting darryl play a big part in my decision making. (what the hell is happening to me?! i will not let a mere boy control my life!) I will try to accept the jc curriculum, instead of thinking of going to poly. i will not burst into tears in the middle of class.(i think i'd just die there and then)

in a nutshell, i will learn to let go. i will learn to accept that change is inevitable, and that everyone will grow up and go their own seperate ways. the only thing that remains the same is your family, and that's why family is so important.

i finally understand why people say growing up is hard. i just never thought it would happen to me.



-why is it so hard? the worst part is that i think the problem lies with me.................


at 10:04 PM

4c3 class reunion today. i'm supposed to be all happy and jolly while blogging about this, but i'm not. it just didn't have that homely feeling I was expecting. everybody seemed to have moved on, except me. i felt everything was so superficial. like miaoqun seems to have totally moved on and enjoying NJC alot. and may I highlight A LOT. julie too. i've never seen 2 of them talk so much before. lucky for them, having like 7 crescentians with them. all i fear is that i'd go there and be alone again. that will be the biggest joke of the century. everyone looked different too; more mature. seesh, and it's not even been 3 months! and 3 important people didn't turn up. ethel, tess and siti. don't know when i'll ever be able to pass ethel her present. i'm gona kill siti on monday. maybe i've got to learn to move on and let go, just like everyone has been telling me to do. but 4c3 has been my life, my hope, the only thing that puts a smile on my face these days. and i'm supposed to just let go? it's like letting go of the float in the middle of the ocean and trying to make it back to shore alone. it's just so hard. i think i'm the only one feeling like this; otherwise the others are doing a good job of not showing it. i just miss the way things were, and it hurts even more to think that it will never be the same again. i think the "medicine" has done more harm than good............:(

aunty allyson got rushed to the hospital in the late afternoon. yangx got to ride in a real ambulance. cool sia. nothing serious, so you need not worry yingx. she got discharged after about an hour or 2 later. my mum thinks she ate too much grapefruit and it's not good for the system cos it's very acidic. so no harm done yingx. you can sleep in peace. :) and yangx, being yangx, even asked if they could ride the ambulance back. -_-" so stupid right........

went to buy dinner after leaving the hospital. saw vincent ng, that wushu guy. LOL. he's better looking in person, thought a little short. while waiting for the food, i saw a tank of crabs, and this particular one was trying to walk with it's pincers tied. it managed, but i think it was rather difficult. i felt so sad and sorry for it i started to cry. seriously. i cried for a crab. it was so poor thing and helpless!! imagine trying to walk with your arms tied. they'll go numb man! it was so painful to watch it, I wanted to buy it so i could set it free. i had to fight to keep the tears from spilling over. man. MUST. CONTROL. TEAR. GLANDS. even the thought of it now makes me sad. I also saw the most grotesque sight ever. this man was eating his noodles halfway and i think we wanted to cough or sneeze or something. so he practically emptied his whole mouthful of food onto the floor!!! then he wiped his mouth and carried on eating as if nothing had happened. omg, it was disgusting! revolting! for goodness sake, think of the poor person cleaning the place. or else, think of how others would view you. but what can you expect from these uneducated, uncouth people? yuck man.

enough typing for me. pictures say a thousand words. so lets see how many "thousands" of words i'm going to say. LOL. :P pictures from today's class gathering.


me and seoh ying!! I love you to death girl! :))


(L to R) yang hwee, pei ling and jessica. miss them all so much..........


hui fang (left) , jiayi (top right) , sakinah (bottom right)
gonna miss you loads sak!


(L to R) jiahe, yang yao, joanne, sonia, wei xue


too many to name!! :P


some of my favourite people in the world!! XDXDXD


(L to R) claire, me, debbie
saved the best for the last! haha, i just thought we look very good in this picture. LOL!! :P





-i shall lock all the memories in my heart, and patiently wait for the day I can open it again.......................


at 5:06 PM

the weekend! FINALLY!!!! :)

i think i have been staring at the page for 10 mins before beginning to type. cos i've got so much to say but i don't know how to put it in words. i wanna thank my og Abraxon for their company the past 2 weeks. we may not be extremely close, but they're all great people. especially sarah, redgie and sukhveen who have been so nice to me, and amanda aka THE boss. you're priceless. officially the funniest, craziest, loudest, bravest and larger than life person i've ever met. one of a kind is an understatement. especially when sukhveen and boss swivel their fists in the air and go:" pei hua pei hua!! wooowooo!!!" i totally canNOT stop laughing at them. they actually started off doing that everytime darryl was in sight, but then it just stuck, and now they do it all the time. they even use my name as a cue. my name is a cue! LOL. funny sia.

so i was feeling rather nostalgic the whole day cos this was the last time ever that we got to spend time like this. we even named 1 table the "Abraxon table". sarah, sukhveen, cui lin and I ate omelette for lunch, under boss's influence of course. it was delicious, but omg, it was so much! we were all super full. never again man. it think it was at least 2 eggs in there. we ate before lunch period so we went early to our next venue during luch break. then some guy had the song of our orientation dance and amanda demanded across the LT that he sends it her. mind you, she and the guy are 2 complete strangers. i guess the guy was pretty shocked, and people were staring at her. but then again, this is boss. she doesn't care. that's why i'll miss her so much. she's the ice breaker. and right now, my new class is "frozen solid in ice". i need boss!! anyway, met ernest in the LT. he bought me something from china!! he's such a sweetie pie, seriously one of the nicest guys i've met. :) i was just joking when i told him to get me something. never thought he took it seriously. LOL. and of cos boss told us to stop flirting. she says that to everyone who talks to Abraxon members. she's "protective" of us. haha.

got my timetable today. thank god we don't have swimming pe. at least i think we don't. there's no where on the timetable that says venue:pool. i'm soooooo relieved. my teacher says results will be out end of feb, and i honestly think she doesn't know what she's talking about. last year came out 10 feb. don't see why this year would be so late. and she also said that she will not entertain anymore class or subject changes. you mean i could actually appeal to change my class?!!!! omg. i'm so pissed at the thought. i could appeal to same class as sarah and sukhveen, or boss and darryl! fuck la! so fucking pissed. nvm nvm. results soon, results soon.........i didn't see darryl as much as i wanted to today. sat in the canteen for 3 periods and didn't see him at all. finally, i went around to look for him after math. siti wanted a look anyway. i started praying:"please lord, if we're meant to be together, let me find him." XDXDXD and i did! at the bleachers! rugby practice i think. yes, he's a rugger!! six pecs!!! ahhhh!!!!! LOL. jus joking. siti says he's not bad. aberden? i've got good taste. :) now if only i can get a pic.............BOSS!!! HELP ME!! LOL!!! :P

4C3 class gathering tmr!! omg i can't wait! can't wait to see everybody again! and at swensen's no less. yummmmm.......haha......i'm in a real dilemma now. i wanna score well for 'o's cos i wanna go njc or something. but at the same time, i don't wanna leave darryl. but if i don't score as well,
i'll be disappointed cos i have to stay in acjc and take swimming pe. then again, if i don't score well, i'll probably be in darryl's class, which is good cos..........well, he is very cute. XDXDXD i know you're all thinking i'm nuts letting some guy i don't know at all influence my life like this, but i'm young! gimme a break! girls have the right to dream. and yingx, please don't roll your eyes. :P

in the meantime, let me enjoy my weekend and not think about monday........................:((


gift from ernest! isn't it pretty? :P




-"Abraxon Abraxon!! wooowooo!!!" LOL!! XDXDXD Abraxon: I love you all.................


at 8:55 PM

i'm very sad today. which is not uncommon ever since i came to acjc. i'm gona miss Abraxon sooooooooo much. so i sat with my class in the morning cos, well, we HAD to, fuck the stupid school, and it was sooooooo PAINFUL ok? omg, the pain in my chest was excruciating. the worst thing is that i'm not exaggerating. i turned back a couple of times to see sarah and sukhveen sitting together and laughing and having a good time, and i thought i'd just die there and then.

after assembly, we were dismissed and thank god our og reunited. we went to the badminton hall as usual cos some ppl wanted to play badminton. LOL. alot of fun there i tell you. ryan wore a SKIRT!! Eileen's skirt, while she wore his shorts. omg, it was so funny we were laughing like maniacs. i shall put up the video and photos shortly. i am now convinced that maybe ryan doesn't like eileen that way, the way we all thought he did, cos he's a girl trapped in a guy's body. :P we even started calling him "Ryanna" and "sister"!!! sarah, sukhveen and i went outside the hall cos it was seriously hot in there, and we talked. turns out sukhveen was feeling as bad as i am. just that she's much stronger and didn't cry. unlike me. damn it. must learn to control tear glands. and sarah says she doesn't really like her class either. well, at least it's not as bad for them cos they have each other!! i am freaking alone!! omg. i feel sick everytime i think of it. and we fantasized about having the whole Abraxon og together in 1 class. omg the class spirit will be fantastic man!! unbeatable! the best! we click together so well. if only............met siti too and she told me about the guy she liked. he was her clan head and she was recounting how many times she nearly pooled at his feet. turns out they had a 2 second conversation about squirrels. LOL. it was so funny!! long story man..............but looks like squirrels are her fave animals now. XDXDXD

we left the sports complex soon for lectures and i told amanda about the cute guy that i wanted to know the name of. you know, the guy i blogged about yesterday. and she said she wouldn't mind asking for me. you know, she's the bravest person i have ever met. seriously. then i saw my guy coming into the lecture hall she said she knew him! his name is DARRYL!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! and how does she know? HE'S IN HER GOD DAMN CLASS!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!! i nearly died on the spot. she's so lucky!! why didn't i score like 12 points or something for prelims? then we can be in the same class! why did i have to score better?!! i know, can't believe i'm wishing for a worser grade just for a guy, but i really hate my class. amanda asked if i wanted an intro, and i was like NO!! i'd make a lovesick fool of myself and crumble at his feet man. not a good first impression. so i guess darryl did retain after all.

went to amanda's house after school. did nothing much cos i didn't stay long. didn't even finish watching Grease 2. the guy lead is hot btw. eileen and i were fangling over him. and amanda's dog is adorable. it's so light to carry compared to ping an. fat dog. LOL. and if you're wondering why this post is sounding so jolly when i said i'm not, well, i really AM sad. tmr is the last day we can all hang out as an og, cos we will all have different timetables. i wanna cry. i wanna cry so bad. next week we start lessons proper, so it's no more playtime. and i think i'm gona have swimming PE. OH MY GOD. can i just die? i wanna die. i see no point in living. the only hope i have left is that sarah and sukhveen said that the ogs will still remain the same for 2nd orientation. unless some of us transfer out and they'll just slot people in. but i mean, if it's the same, good! but what if it's not?! omg, this is giving me a headache. please, anybody, give me the strength to hang in there until olevel results are out! just about 2 more weeks. please please please.

anyway, the pictures i promised. it's hilarious!!! couldn't put the video up due to technical problems. damn it. but it's really funny. if u want to watch, tag me and i'll send to you somehow.


MR. eileen and MS ryan!! LOL!!!


ryan: japanese school girl!! :P

-I LOVE ABRAXON!!! "the only thing that doesn't change, is change." fuck that stupid phrase to hell.


at 6:51 PM

THIS IS THE BIGGEST JOKE OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. SERIOUSLY. I'VE NEVER BEEN SO PISSED BEFORE. well remember when i said i hoped that i had person i knew from crescent with me in my class? well, guess what. I DON'T. i mean, i have the EXACT same score and subject combi as sufan and monica, and they're in the same class and i'm not!!! i'm even 2 classes away. oh my god oh my god oh my god. i can't believe this; like my jc life is cursed. is life playing a cruel joke on me? at least sarah and sukhveen are together. lucky dudes. WHY AM I ALWAYS ALONE?!!! whoa lao. i'm sooooo dreading school tmr. i think withdrawing from this fucking place seems like a very inviting option. like this guy tim from my og. i haven't seen him around, and i didn't see his name on the list. i think maybe he withdrew or transferred or something. smart guy. i rather go to canada to study with yingx!!!! fuck this stupid school to hell and back. no wait, don't come back.

so they announced that from tmr morning onwards, we will no longer be sitting with our ogs, but with our class. what. the. fuck. i'm sorry i'm so vulgar today but i really am extremely sad, and i finally realise why people sink into depression; it feels as though my heart is ripped to shreads. i can even FEEL the pain, god damn it. so this is how painful it is. anyway, there was a collective moan and whine from the jc1s cos we all don't wanna be seperated from our ogs. why can't we stay in our ogs for the entire 1st 3 months? why are they in such a hurry to split us up? they're so god damn cruel!!! it's really ironic. when i first came, i didn't really like my og and wanted to go back to crescent. now i'm used to my og, we're split up, and now i wanna go back. why is this happening to me?!! I WANT MY OG!!!! ABRAXON ROCKS MY SOCKS. i never appreciated the time i spent with them as much as i did today.

had recreational tennis tryouts today. i think it's quite crappish. i'll definately stick with coach. after that, went for guitar ensemble. nothing much i can say about it but i think it's better than tennis. we just learnt the strings and a few chords and i think i can pick it up quite fast. it's not unlike zhongruan. the president is damn adorable. he has the blur-blur innocent kind of look. so funny can. he's a scholar from myanmar, and he's damn pro at guitar please. i could feel my jaw dropping everytime i watch him play.

i'm so so sad. so sad that i can't even cry. someone just shoot me and let me die.

-you'll never miss the water till it's gone................


at 8:42 PM

sarah just messaged me and said we're not in the same class. but she's with sukhveen. WHAT THE F***!!!!!!! THAT'S SO UNFAIR!! i tell you, there had better be friends i know with me before i f*** this stupid school to hell.


at 6:38 PM

shawn lee is in acjc with me everybody!! (the guy from I Not Stupid) well, ok, along with 953 other people............-_-" but for those who are not in acjc, ARE YOU JEALOUS OF ME??!! LOL!! NEH NANNY NEH NEH! :P haha......just saw him today. my friends were talking about him being here with us and i was like, dang! haven't seen him yet. then in the canteen, my friends pointed out "there's your shawn." i just wanna clarify, i prefer joshua. :P anyway, so i turned around and saw these 3 guys walking out. none of them looked like shawn to me, so i was left rather confused, until i was informed that he was the one with RED glasses! oh my, no wonder i didn't recognise him. i wonder if he joined ACSian theatre? haha........he was from bukit panjang govt high. cheh. thought what, high flyer or smth. turns out he's not. pity joshua isn't here though............LOL!!!

there's this really cute guy i've been noticing every day who sits in the row before me during assembly. i was rather curious about him, because............oh well, he is very cute!! LOL. no, i haven't forgotten about shane yet. :P so i know he's a senior cos he was wearing the acjc uniform already, unless he's a super enthusiastic jc1 which is highly unlikely. so anyway, i saw him in my econs lecture today! which dawned on me what i've been thinking the past few days. DID HE RETAIN?!! oh my tian. but who cares? he's hot!~ XDXDXD i mean, dude, people deserve a 2nd chance. i hope he's in my class! :P at least if he did retain, he can always work hard to improve this year right? at least he'll be with me! got chance! LOL!! now all i gota do is to find out his name...........

I'm getting my class tomorrow. oh gosh, please god. let me have a crescentian with me. if you don't, i know you're making a fool out of me on purpose. hope to death i'm with monica and sufan. after all, we have exactly the same grade and subject combi. and recreational tennis tryouts tmr!! yahooo!! i nearly jumped out of my seat this morning when the announcement was made. jeanette is in badminton, and she says for rec badminton, the team coaches the rec people. i hope it's not the same for tennis. i want a proper coach. and please don't let it clash with my guitar ensemble practices.

some random pics of my OG:


sarah acting spazzz........


amanda! aka THE boss. she's crazy i tell you.......:P


part of my OG. why are they all so STONE?!!

i really wanted to add the video of jonathan (the guy in blue) fanning himself while playing badminton. omg it was soooo funny!! but i promised not to spread it. dang! or he'll kill me. LOL!!


-The day when we must part, my crescent remain in our hearts.............


at 4:25 PM

this is for yingx. omg i was practically squealing when i read ure blog!!! ahhh!!! I'm sooooo proud of you! talking to cute guys, namely Ian. way to go girl. no i'm not disappointed with you for just saying "thank you", you've already surpassed my expectations. good girl. next time, remember when you guys talk, flash him a big friendly smile. and sit behind him in bio at all times!! take the chance to shake hands and intro ureself. smile at all times. : ) and for goodness sake, if he asks to walk you to class, lunch, home, or anywhere for that matter, SAY YES!!!

so i had chapel so start off the day. turns out it took 2 periods instead of 1. i personally think it could have been shorter, but these people talk damn slow man. and very luo suo also. the songs were not bad as instrumentals, but the guy's singing ruined it. pity. thought i don't believe in christianity, i do find their teaching worth listening to sometimes. today they talked about having a joyous attitude, and that if we were meant to be something, god would have made us like that. so we have to learn to appreciate what we are. so i took that away with me for the day and tried to get along with my og. laughed alot today cos the amanda in my og says really ridiculous things sometimes, and she's really a crazy woman. im not saying i feel i belong now, there are still times i feel left out. hopefully it will improve with each passing day.

during orientation, there was this really cute guy called shane walking around helping out with all the activities. he's eurasian i think, with brown hair and fair skin and all. oh my tian, he is smoking hot. he's a senior, tall, muscular, outspoken and confident. he's perfect! though i don't know how is studies are. i just couldn't stop staring with every chance i got. then today, i was in the canteen with my friends when i saw him at a table. then i turned away, only to find my friends staring too. so i looked back and got a shock. the one i was staring at was actualy his twin brother!!! i didn't know there were 2 of them! shane was sitting with his back towards me that's why i didn't notice him. so now there are not 1, but 2 smoking hot guys!! AAHHHH!!!!!! but shane is still cuter. his hair is a little longer, like the more pai kia of the 2. his brother looks more studious and less crazy than he. oh gosh. can't stop thinking about him. hot hot hot...........LOL!! this is 1 reason i don't wanna leave acjc. hot seniors. haha. but like my friends say, it's their last year already. dang it..............

i personally feel that ryan likes eileen. talking about 2 people in my OG la. i don't feel like typing what i see that makes me come to that conclusion. turns out ryan offered to train eileen for NAPFA cos she sucks at 2.4km. yea, you may think no big deal, but i just got this feeling k? though eileen says she has a crush on someone else and only likes ryan as a friend, who knows maybe ryan feels something special for her? haha......for his sake, i hope i'm wrong. this is one reason i dun wanna give my blog url to my og, or i can't gossip about them. LOL!! :P

-(i say let me hear you acj! what do you say?!) x2 (we go ooh! ah ah ah!) x3 goooooooo ac!!!


at 9:28 PM

granny's cremation was today. mum broke down a couple of times. but seeing the coffin being pushed into the fire was my undoing. i think i've never cried this loudly. i always cry without any sound. i think that scene will stay in my head forever. memories of granny just kept playing back - way back; when she went with us to america 11 years ago, those times we brought her out for lunch, when she tries to give us money in secret without mum knowing, her birthday parties, her famous mee sua during CNY, when she was lying in the hospital bed, the last time i kissed her goodbye...........ah ma, i miss you so much. i want you to come back. here comes the tears........

a huge thank you to all my friends and family for showing their care and concern in one way or another; your condolences are deeply appreciated: rachel, arfah, bernice, siti, ethel, sam, yining, sarah, sukhveen, amanda, sufei, mrs tang, teri, haosheng, kenny, julie.........oh my, too many to name. I'm sorry to anyone if your name is not here, i'm not thinking really clearly right now. this big thank you is for you. special thanks to lou for coming down to the funeral so late. it meant the world to me. yingx, your phone call was priceless. you're my life girl. to all my uncles and aunts who came down to lend their support. especially aunty allyson, uncle patrick, aunty margaret, uncle donald and his wife for coming down twice. i love you all.

this funeral also marks the end of my mum's relationship with her siblings. literally. they all have no reason to meet up anymore. and my mum is not on good terms with them anyway. in a nutshell, they were unfilial to my granny. not directly, but they basically fail to see that my bastard of an uncle( whom i do not acknowledge anymore) is wrong to chase my granny out of his house. sis and i are rather confused cos we just don't understand how these people think. THIS IS THE MAN WHO KICKED YOUR MOTHER OUT OF THE HOUSE AND YOU'RE EMBRACING HIM AS THOUGH HE DID NOTHING WRONG?? YOU EVEN WANT TO FORGIVE HIM EVEN THOUGH HE DID NOT APOLOGISE FOR HIS MISTAKE??!! (may i highlight, he did not apologise to my granny at all. didn't see her for 6,7 years until she died) are you insane or just downright stupid? anyone in the right frame of mind would know that is downright unfilial. whatever. i don't wish to associate myself with you beasts. and my first aunt is terrible. can you believe that she refused to let my granny cook rice or porridge cos she doesn't finish it??!! what kind of daughter are you?! and you go on ranting about buddhist teachings. oh my god. my toes are laughing. and now my granny is dead, she offers a whole tablefull of food. ironic isn't it? tell me, WHAT IS THE POINT?! granny's dead! she can't feel anymore. bloody hypocrite. i know the true person you are, moneysucker. i really don't wanna say this to my mum's family, but i have no choice. FUCK YOU ALL. (i choose to leave out liang hui. liang bao and liang yi)

i now announce to the world the names of those who have caused my granny so much pain. i see no reason to give you face at all.

Tng Tian Kiat
Ng Yoke Mei
Tng Ping Ping
Tng Jin Yau
Tng Lu Lu
Tng Jin Kit
Gan Keng Hwee
Gan Eu Jin
Gan Kai Ling

i hope all of you receive the worst retribution ever. gosh, i think i have to wash my hands with soap just typing their names. FUCK ALL OF YOU TO HELL. MAY THE DEVIL SPIT ON YOUR GRAVES.

it is because of this kind off people that kind civilians like the rest of us have to take moral education. we're just being dragged along with them. and I've got the bravest sister ever. she basically defaced all their names and announced loudly that the purpose of the stick she carries around is to beat up these "xiao ren". you go girl.

-i love you granny. may you rest in peace.


at 9:44 PM

my first post in days. a big apology to yingx for getting you all worried about the large block of missing posts. i know you've been reading my blog regularly. so i haven't been blogging cos my granny died on wednesday morning, 5.14am. dad woke me up at 5.30am and i thought i was late for school. i expected him to burst in and ask me why i didn't need to get up. but he said granny passed away.

i couldn't believe it. i last saw granny on sunday afternoon and she looked so good. we even thought she could be discharged. went to the hospital and saw 27 Paterson road for the 1st time in years. felt real awkward to see them man. even now, when i see them at the wake, i have a huge urge to pick a fight with them. i really wish they'd do something stupid so dad and i will have a reason to rain punches down on them. and when i see the other people talking to them, i feel real sick too. don't really wanna say this, but whoever is amicable to them is as big an asshole as they are. that fat pig ping ping brought her kids today. honestly, they're the ugliest toddlers i have ever seen. really. you think all babies are cute? not them man. and the man and his wife have the biggest asses i have ever seen. honestly. they make mine look like cindy crawford's.

my OG organised an outing to watch a movie but i couldn't make it cos of the funeral. i'm pretty touched to a certain extent that some boys in my group bothered to ask why i wasn't going. and when i told them, they actually bothered to look sympathatic. i know they don't really care, but at least they show they do. lol. maybe they're not that bad. dad's brothers came to the wake too. yeah man. the power of the LIM family. lol. i'm proud to be a lim. last night we also saw a black butterfly hovering outside our main door. ah ma came back to see us. i guess she knows who are the ones who really love her. : )

the reason i'm home now is because i've got some serious menstrual cramps. ouch. i nearly died at the funeral. sooooooo painful!! lol. then ah ma and i would have the same funeral. haha!! anyway, the cremation is tmr. i just can't accept it. i just can't. granny has always been, you know...........around. seeing her lie so helplessly in the coffin just breaks my heart. it just isn't her. i'm gona bawl my eyes out tmr.

-i miss you granny. i love you so, so much.........




at 9:04 PM

i've never felt so happy in days, and i'm sure ning feels the same. i went back to crescent today!! omg, i miss that place sooooo much!! the first thing people said to me was "why are you so black?!!" -_-" in a nutshell, sunburn. haha. i saw sumin there too!! lol. she was selling her jjc funfair tickets, like other jjc students. the teachers were all scared of us k? thought we wanted them to buy somemore tickets. i had to assure them that I'm from acjc and I'm not selling anything. LOL!!! we saw mrs rupa, mr ravi, jack's chinese teacher, ms saifa, mrs yip and mr loh!! mr loh remembered my name!! woohoo!! LOL. i thought he'd call me pei ling or something. couldn't find ms goh though. dang! went to canteen for lunch. we specially came back for lunch k? the vegetarian stall uncle was as slow as ever. and they ran out of hong kong noodles. noooooooooooo...........:( haha! we even went to tell the 2nd stall auntie we missed her!! i think people thought we were crazy. :P

went to choir after that and jacklyn and I were going through our orientation dance moves. i really really like the dance. too bad we can't get the music. so she was taking down the movements while ning sat in one corner shaking her head at us. haha. then we went to hang out with ms seow in the staffroom for a while before going home. *pangs of nostalgia*

H2 maths looks really scary. ahhhh!!!!

I'm now hooked on jesse's "Just so you know", which is the song that is currently playing. it makes me feel as if i can take on anything. so from tmr onwards, I'll just be myself and let life take its course. Just have to wait for olevel results to come out before deciding to leave. I really hope i will like my class, so I'll be inspired to stay. cos i really dun wanna leave. I think acjc is not a bad school, i just don't feel I belong yet.

please, mighty power above, give me the strength to integrate into the school nicely to enjoy my 2 years of JC.

-Do you want me to hide the feelings, and look the other way?


at 10:16 PM

I am a great and wonderful person. no, i'm not praising myself, i'm telling the truth. i have finally given my sister an objective in life - to be a lawyer. well, i'm not saying she will be, but considering she's been totally 'direction-less' as to what to do with her life, at least i gave her a focal point. and i did it with just 2 words: "YAGAMI RAITO". :P pro sia...........lol!!

school tmr, only had 1 day of break cos we still had orientation on saturday. i'm so dreading it. i simply don't understand. everybody else is having such a fun and awesome time at acjc. why am i the exception??!! it's not that i'm not friendly, i am!! i try so hard, to be nice, to keep an open mind, but i just don't seem to click with my group. I'm so miserable. I really do try. i try so hard that i come back emotionally exhausted at the end of the day. i really don't want to resort to withdrawing from the school, because giving up and running away has never been my style. please don't let this be the first. worse still, i can SEE myself in the school. bloody hell.........mum says maybe i'm like a gem waiting to be discovered, but i duno if i can wait that long.........: (

-please give me a sign to show me the way........




at 11:47 PM

today is the last day of orientation!! and it's over!!! O-V-E-R!!!!!YYYAAAAAAAAAHHOOOOOOO!!! omg, im so happy - and also a bit sad. can you believe it? i actually feel a bit sad. but wait a minute, i can explain it. cos the dancing was so fun!! let me tell you about my dance partner again. as usual, I will be a nice ISFJ person and refrain from naming him here. he came to school today and said he had a backache and couldn't dance and sat out from all the games. how did he sprain his back? you'll never believe this. BY WALKING ACROSS HIS BEDROOM. WTF. you must be one hell of a lousy person; can't even walk properly. said he couldn't even brush his teeth in the morning. hah! sorry man, don't feel sorry for you at all. so i had to dance with nick for a while, and boy can he dance, and he's strong. he was twirling me here and there so fast, i felt stressed dancing with him. :P but he is kinda cute. LOL!!!

in the afternoon we went to jack's place for lunch at west coast entertainment centre. didn't even know such a place existed. so i was sitting beside nicholas (aka nick), my ogl, and another guy i haven't said 5 words to. turns out, he doesn't like chocolate. unbelievable. anyway, bottom line is that it was the most uncomfortable lunch i had ever experienced. i just sat there like a god forsaken loner cos the 'i-don't-like-chocolate' guy was talking to other people, nick was talking to sandra and i don't talk to the girl in front of me. joy. i am such a loser. went bowling next. my most pathetic performance ever. had countless longkangs man. and guess what, my partner bowled. some backache eh? jerk. i conclude that some girls in my group aren't really that nice people. i think they're so rude and lian. I'm wasting my breath and time offering any words of comfort. next time, i'm shutting up.

back to school. finally. went with some girls in my group to change. but of course they had to camwhore. in the toilet. seesh man. for goodness sake, find a better location. they don't use their brains man. fast forward to campfire!! the first part was a bore man. at first i thought it would be the suckiest campfire ever, cos the only funny thing was the bloopers they showed us. then the dancing came! FUN FUN FUN!!!! LOL!!! haha......oh. and this is where my partner comes in again. he came and stood beside me. so, being a nice ISFJ person as usual, i asked if he was ok to dance, and he said it's really up to me. -_-" another person who doesn't use brains. WHAT HAS THE CONDITION OF YOUR BACK GOT TO DO WITH ME?? HOW CAN I DECIDE WHETHER YOUR BACK HURTS OR NOT?!! crazy, simply crazy. so i did dance one dance with him, and i was leading the whole way. what kind of man are you la. after that, i pushed him to the back of my mind and we did the train run thingy and ran around the basketball court. then the dance music came on again and i danced with the nerd of my group. no kidding. he's the epitome of nerd and geek ok. seriously. open the dictionary and you'll see his face. LOL!! he even dances like the nerd in hollywood movies!! omg, it was so funny, i was trying my best not to laugh at him. but the best thing is, he's so enthu and keen to dance, learn and enjoy himself. he was leading the dance all the way and twirling me around. please, i'll dance with him over my partner anyday ok? this shows that you can have fun, even without cute guys. :P oh, btw, my partner is NOT cute.........

then after the song ended, the nerd was like: "this is so fun. i think they're going to play the song again." with that hopeful tone in his voice. and i was like................ok........haha. met ernest after that, and he said it was sad we couldn't dance together. i said we could but since most of my group was leaving and i thought they wouldn't play the song again, i left to get my bag. but i did return to find him only to find him dancing with someone else. ahh well......mum was at the school already anyway. pity we couldn't dance though. it really was fun!!

looks like everyone has moved on already. i think the only people who really are sad and depressed about leaving crescent is me and ning. sam's nick says acjc is 'fun fun fun!!' and sumin also loves her OG in JJC. i think. jeanette is practically a ACSian already and even amanda seems to be coping well and enjoying herself. I don't dare to think of siti. like mum says, you miss the school so much but does it miss you? my heart hurts so bad...............i doubt they would want to go to the lectures with me and ning. probably have loads of new friends already......*sobs!* I'm not a fan of acjc yet and I won't hesitate to leave. sis says if i turn into a AC person, she'll slap me. haha. god knows what type of description that is.

long post today folks. till tmr then!!

-so we say ooh! la-la! say ooh!! cmon cmon! say ooh! la-la! say ooh!! cmon cmon!! say air air baby, alder-, alder-, alder-, ALDERON!!


at 7:45 PM

today was a teeny weeny microscopic bit better, but i still don't like the school. the sun was baking hot, but luckily i was protected!! SPF 70 sunblock. don't play play. my sunburn is much better now.

got really dirty today and walked around the whole time barefoot. i tell you, the soles of my feet are never gona be pinky-red again - they'll be grey. and remember what i said about my dance partner being a nice guy? BAH!! forget it. i change my mind. he really IS a terrible dancer. awful, atrocious, you name it. I don't hate him for that, i mean, people's strength's lie in different areas. what i dislike is that he's soooo unenthusiastic. i don't need him bouncing up and down with vigour, but just show a little interest. i mean, not everyone likes dancing, including me. but will it kill you to do it well just for orientation? i look at all the guys in my group and they actually do put effort into learning. and they're doing really good. so my partner (i shall refrain from naming him here), just like left me in the middle of the dance, leaving me pairless and feeling like a total dork. I'm willing to dance with anyone but him. great job dude. you've totally left a great impression.

tmr is last day of orientation. woohoo!!! oh sorry, not enough. YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! oh thank you whatever great force there is up there for helping me survive thus far. but im soooo dreading tmr cos I have to go out with my group. going to jurong entertainment centre for dinner and bowling. oh. my. god. they're not exactly the people i wanna go out with. i even have not gone out with some people in 4C3, and i happen to like them. A LOT. boy oh boy can I wait. hopefully after tmr the whole sticking together thing will die down a bit. please, oh mighty power, please x999999999 let me survive this horrendous outing. it's only 4 hours. give me the power!!!

i pray, (gosh i'm doing a lot of praying. the ACS prayers are rubbing off on me!! ah!!) that my olevel results will be good enough for me to transfer to NJC or something. but can you believe it, I actually feel a little connection to the school already, cos i have been there for 3 days, and soon to be 3 months. oh gosh......i wish i had something to help me point the way.......

the folks decided not to buy the house. so we're back to being homeless. what a lovely start to 2007. I think i better start believing in fengshui.

-3 down, 1 more to go!!! c'mon man! last leg of the race! BEAR WITH IT!!!!!


at 7:48 PM

2nd day of school, and i'm hating that stupid place more and more. gosh. not the seniors' fault. they're nice people. i just.....ahh!! can't stand my group. the gals are soooo cliqish man!! they go everywhere together!! and i mean EVERYWHERE!! omg, it's so stupid. at the same time you don't wanna be the loner. so it's like, heads you win, tails i lose. oh. my. god.

we were also told we have to pay $10 a month for the use of the sports complex. so basically, our 3 months here will cost us $30. wth. and we have swimming lessons. and you have to get at least a silver for napfa, or you won't be exempted from physicals. one reason i wanna leave. why on earth did i choose acjc??!! shitty place. so i started the day with a shock, that we have to sit in our OGs. nearly died. then we had talks and more talks which i suffered backache cos the chair was so uncomfy. i yawned so many times i thought my jaw would come off it's hinges. then we played games the whole day and now i look like a lobster. seriously. no kidding. I AM RED. tmr more baking under the sun. my poor poor skin. then we learnt the partner dance thingy. my partner is quite a nice guy la. but we're 2 people who can't dance for nuts. we kept forgetting the moves!! he told me he can't dance so i said we just have to avoid stepping on each other's feet. but we were really not that bad considering we both have 2 left feet. and he was from nyps too. funny, i see quite a lot of nyps in acjc. that's the only fun moment of the day, i think.

we also got really dirty cos of this game where the seniors threw starch on us. mind you, that starch was HOT. ouch man. and the guys had to throw mud at us. ugh! and i nearly cried in the middle of the pitch, because i was thinking of 4C3 and our chalet, and i realised we would never be able to be together again. even now, the thought breaks my heart.

came home, FINALLY. and guess what, just found out my tshirt was too big. -_-" oh god, GIMME A BREAK!!! hopefully i can change it tmr. and now mum says she quite unsure about buying the house. seesh. i do NOT like the way 2007 is starting.

-2 down, 2 more to go. (halfway through! grit your teeth and bear it!!!)



at 7:48 PM

my first day at acjc, and my legs are aching like crazy. can't say i'm a fan of the school. maybe cos i'm not ready to open up yet.

today was super embarrasing. i lost a game and had to do a forfeit, and it was to flap my arms in front of another group and sing the batman song. i nearly died of embarrasment. I'm so really dreading tmr. maybe i juz need more time to get used to it, bcos it IS only the first day of school. but i'm so resistant to change and i miss crescent so much. acjc rules are ridiculous by the way. they're even stricter than crescent. damn it. and i thot jc was lax. I'm tired of repeating them here. NJC is sooooo much better!! ahhh!!! i wana go nj!!

my OGLs are quite nice though, i gota admit. i mean, i could tell they genuinely wanted to welcome us and help us integrate into the school. during lunch time, nicholas came and sat with us and talked. so it was pretty friendly of him. julie is really pretty, and she's a really good dancer. i really admire people like her. she can control and lead people so effortlessly. ning and I still hate it though. I'm suffering from Crescent withdrawal symptoms. i miss mdm lim, 4C3, my clique, ethel, my juniors........i never knew how much crescent meant to me. but for now, someone shoot me.

1 down, 3 more days to go.

-you never miss the water till it's gone.............


at 7:50 PM

happy new year!! I'm a new person; well not exactly. let's hope this is a better year for all. the year has hardly begun and there are already changes. firstly, we bought a new house at thomson road!! funny, we moved from thomson to holland and now we're back to thomson. ladeeda.....we've got our own pool!! and i'm thinking of ideas for my new room. secondly, we bought a new car!! toyota camry. i know sis really wanted the RAV 4, but then again, dad's paying. we don't have much say in it. so yingx, dad says we can't go over in june cos we'll be moving to the new place around that time. i know, i'm not thrilled about it but the folks need our help to move. maybe in december? sorry dear.

my ogl hasn't called yet. i'm really getting frantic. everybody seems to have been contacted already! i bet my ogl is a guy.......so irresponsible. and i can't tell you how much i'm dreading school. i won't mind if i go back to crescent, but i hate going to a new place and make friends all over again. stress!!!!! ahhhh!!!!!!! had nighmares last night. somebody help me........

funny things we saw on the road today. check this out!



a cow on a truck!! LOL!! 2 actually, but this big guy is blocking the other. i thought they were fake, but it's real. haha. funny man. not everyday you see something like this. :P