Hi (:
My name is Chair and I rock.
Seventeen candles on the 28th September '09. I ♥ cocktails, cocaine, and clubbing.

PARAMORE
is the bomb.
you know you love me
xoxo


put a more detailed profile here. (:




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at 10:19 PM

second post. scroll down for the 1st one.

so i disappear for like, 2 weeks, and today im blogging 2 posts in a day. wow. im fantastic.

i just finished watching "In the land of women", a very artsy film which i think u have to be a lit person to actually enjoy and understand it thoroughly, but what i can say is that it has officially sealed Kristen Stewart as my favourite actress of all time. superficial stuff aside, i duno what about the film, perhaps its very erm.......moody mood...... but i think i may be having a mid-life crisis. odd. cos it's pretty weird to be having one at 18. so im gona die at 36?? lol

im scared. and im tired. im tired of being, or trying to be, or become, something that i don't really wanna do. do i really want to take dentistry and stare into people's mouths for the rest of my life? or do i just follow my heart and shatter my parents' hopes and dreams for me? i don't know. but i do know this.

I WANT TO FUCKING LIVE, GOD DAMN IT.

Live. as in not just breathe to fill my lungs so i don't get brain damage, but i want to be ME. which is pretty crazy cos who else can you be right? but it turns out that finding yourself is much harder than it seems. im sick of living in a rut. im sick of having to conform to society that i must get good results or im a loser. im sick of the way i have been wearing my hair for so long, my line parting is dead. it doesn't even change when i bathe and blow my hair. it just freaking falls back into place like a routine. im sick of being lost, cos i can't find the real me. and thats bad cos when uni applications start, especially for the US unis, they are gona ask u to write an essay about yourself. which is fantastic, bcos NEWSFLASH, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM!!!!

and the worst part is?? is that im too fucking scared to change. and i FUCKING HATE THAT. I hate that i have no courage to LIVE, even though it's what i want the most. HOW do u live anyway? screw it even i don't know the answer. damn it i have feeling ive just come full circle.

i should be an actress. those theatre-types tend to let their emotions run pretty wild.