Hi (:
My name is Chair and I rock.
Seventeen candles on the 28th September '09. I ♥ cocktails, cocaine, and clubbing.

PARAMORE
is the bomb.
you know you love me
xoxo


put a more detailed profile here. (:




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at 5:02 PM

just had CCA meeting. gosh, its ok i guess. just that im not a very sociable person. i really envy those who have no CCA. SLLAAAAAAAAAAACCK!!! that was me last year. but i guess a good resume always comes with a price.

fel just sent me an email about personalities you would have depending on what month you're born in. SO. march baby. I'm: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and Reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous. And sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered.Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up Feelings. Observant and assesses others.

attractive personality eh?? :P heheh....... sexy?? ooohhhh........XDXDXD maybe i would be if i didn't have so much fat on me. yep. definately affectionate, shy and reserved. secretive? hhmmmmm.........i duno. i dont think i have any major secrets. yes, im definately honest, generous and sympathetic. YES. IM ALL FOR WORLD PEACE. XD. i shall now claim my ms universe title. :P VERY sensitive to others. GREAT KISSER. WHOOOO BAYBEH. i think i can guarantee that. :) easily angered? i duno! i just found out i can be pretty possessive though. trustworthy? yes. any secrets you tell me is in a place safer than Gringotts. i always make it a point to return kindness. if you're nice to me, i'll treat u twice as well. but if u are mean, you GG. hardly shows emotions? well, i guess im pretty obvious sometimes cos im such a crybaby. otherwise, i guess im pretty good at covering up. no one guesses who i like. :P bottle up feelings? YES. IM THE BIGGEST CULPRIT OF THAT. thats why im gona die early. :P observant and assess others. yep, thats me hands down. i love observing people. you always tend to notice little things that seem invisible at first. im not talking about microscopic bacteria. -_-'''

today i ran 2.4km. bleh. i didnt complete it. finished 2km then pulled a muscle. ouch. and i still have no idea why we have to stretch our neck muscles when we run. we dont use our necks to run for goodness sake.

i feel so alone. yingxy, i cant tell you how much i wish i had u here with me.


at 5:34 PM

Maria Sharapova has won the Australian Open 2008! Congrats Maria!! :D today is a good day for tennis. im itching to get back on court. Perhaps Singapore is Maria's lucky charm and she'll come here more often. :)

finally, its the weekend. im really thankful to have 2 whole days to clear my head - and have no thoughts of * especially.


at 2:28 PM

why do people get attracted to each other? date? get married? have kids? isn't there some way to reproduce the human race besides sex? why do we only tend to sleep with people who are attractive to us?

think about it. if no one was attracted to no one, there'll be no need for marriage whatsoever. no dating, no matchmaking; so much less hassle! no more heartbreak no less. and we never knew what attraction to the opposite sex was - well, we won't miss what we don't know right? then sex would be just an act cos it feels good i guess. we can have test tube babies. and no more world over/under population anymore. just walk into the lab, stick the sperm and egg together, and there u have a baby.

i don't know what is up with this post. i've never thought of this thing before.

someone shoot me. im sure it'll be less painful than this.


at 11:20 AM

yingx, i think our email conference is the only thing that gets me through school everyday. just replied u btw.

i have a horrible sore throat, the painful kind, and a runny nose. ugh i hate being sick. but i strived to get out of bed to go to school just to wish C good luck ok!! gosh. love makes u do stupid things.

today is olevel results day!!! thanks to the juniors who have to go back to their secondary schools, we finish at 10.30am today and i get to go home early. :) i can still remember the time i got MY olevel results. good times man........good times....... hope sis does well for her higher chinese!!!

i have a craving for bak chor mee. :P


at 2:45 PM

HEATH LEDGER IS DEAD. LIKE OMG.

sis told me this morning and i swear i nearly died myself. oh my god.........why did this have to happen? and my ever so insensitive friends didnt give a hoot. all they cared was that he had finished filming "The Dark Knight" before his death. and since it was over long ago, they were like, ok. who cares?? WTH!!!!! May was the best. i told her, and she asked who he was. then i told her the brokeback mountain guy. and she was like, "what? today is brokeback mountain day?" i nearly fainted on the spot.

yep. today was boring. got interact club interview at 4pm later, and im freaked out of my pants.

im turning into a frightful green-eyed monster.

yingxy? hotmail.


at 5:09 PM

yesterday was a good day. :) there was this guy in my sabbaticals last year that erm........ok, the whole thing is a rather long story. the main point is, i think he's hot. and just when i thought he forgot i existed, he waved to me yesterday!! AHAHAHAHA I WAS SOOOOOO HAPPY!!! LOL. i swear i was grinning like an idiot.

i officially hate tuesday's timetable. i have lessons until 5 and i only have an hour break the whle day! damn the time table committee. :( today was a rather acceptable day too. cos of *. yingx knows who im talking about. :P ok. i'll tell yingx the rest via hotmail. see ya.


at 8:43 AM

blogging....... is a funny thing. do it everyday and you'll find it boring. however, if you're deprived of it too long, you get really depressed. cos you think the whole world wants to know what is going on in your life. i guess people are naturally narcisstic and egoistic that way.

nah. just joking.

ok, my weekend was nothing exciting. i mean, theres only so much we can do on our tiny sunny island. why am i wasting time blogging here?? im supposed to be doing yingxy's email! anyway, on saturday, i totally swore off work. i mean, cmon. ive been working so hard the whole week. gimme a break here! we spent the whole day at the new house, cleaning and unpacking boxes. tiring work i tell you. I'M NEVER MOVING AGAIN. unless you offer me $10M and move all my things for me. I'M NOT LIFTING A FINGER. I REFUSE!!!!

sunday (yesterday) isn't that impressive either. sis and i spent the whole day in, and i finally completed my painfully excruciating math tutorial 4. it's a killer i tell you. trigo never used to be this hard. gimme back the olevel stuff! then i went for chem tution at 5pm. time flies while you're having fun. 2.5 hours of chem wasn't that bad. not that chem was fun, back titrations just aren't very difficult to grasp.

before going home, we went to longhouse foodcourt. im telling you, that place is becoming my 2nd home. ive lost count how many times ive eaten there already. well, its right in front of my house you see. then sis was going on and on about some matrix stuff to dad, saying that he's being controlled by "The Man" cos he's like drinking so many cups of coffee a day. and i was helping along, like presenting my empty palms to dad, imagining that theres 1 red pill on one hand and 1 blue pill on the other. choose the red pill and you continue life as it is. you wake up tmr morning all fine and dandy with no recollections whatsoever. take the blue one and you'll be awakened from the Matrix. ah shucks. you should know all this if you had watched the movie. and you know what, i wouldn't really mind taking the blue pill. MY LIFE IS A RUT!!! it's boring!! everyday is sooooooo predictable! i hate it! let me wake up from the matrix and give me some action man! i mean, anything than to do trigo and mole concept.

thats all from me today. we just celebrated 2 girls' birthdays this morning. my class is quite fun, quite enthu, but like i said, i don't think i really fit in yet.

gona type the email now yingx. see you on hotmail.


at 2:46 PM

OMG FINALLY AFTER ALMOST A WHOLE WEEK I HAVE ACCESS TO MY BLOG!!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO HAPPY!!!! YAY!!!! XDXDXD

im sure Natari Lim Wan Ying has been missing me lots too. boy does it feel awesome to have the keyboard below my fingers. im quite sure my hotmail inbox is exploding by now.

ok, so this week was lecture week. which means all lectures, no tutorials. and no PE!!! haha. oh. and yingx? you would never guess. i tried out for the tennis team!! ME! yes me! and please excuse my language, but i freaking fucked up damn badly! i still can't believe i humiliated myself like that, but at least, you know, i tried. im still glad i went for it instead of you know, wondering for ever and ever what could have been. in the end, i withdrew myself cos it was really quite disastrous, so im going to train really hard now with my coach and then maybe try again in May.

next week, proper lessons start......*groans*....... i so CAN wait......

ok, im kinda at a loss at what to type for now. you know how you're really bursting with stuff to type but when you get down to it you just blank out? fine. lets talk about my class. they're okay i guess........... theres some people i prefer to hang out with, and some people im still tentative about, but as a whole, im not close to anyone. right now i just prefer to go with the flow, and when it happens, it does. if not, ah well........ yingx, i think i need to send a seperate email to you. not very safe to type stuff here since my blog can be so easily found by blog surfing.......seesh........ but as a whole, they're all nice people, in the sense that they don't discriminate against me and stuff. and for that, im grateful. my friends from last year have been really supportive too! haha. i feel so loved. :P

yep. thats it from me. quite surprisingly its not as lengthy as i thought it would be though it has been a while. i feel really conspicuous now *glances over shoulder*, cos im in the library and i feel so exposed.

signing off. :D


at 8:12 PM

ok. integrating into my new class is much harder than i expected. i mean, they're enthu, and thats a good thing. but they seem a bit cliquish to me. hmmm..........dont really like that. and i think they all have amazing memory. i think they just met like, at most yesterday, and they already know everybody's names. and i guess they are pretty united. gosh. i positively suck at remembering names.

and the worst thing is that i dont think they know im in their class. i mean, sure, i was there during the first ct session. then we had senior meet junior session, and i hung out with my friends, and especially im in hc uniform, so they think i AM a senior after all!! bloody fuck. fine, i am a senior agewise, but i think they're gona get a shock that im actually their classmate for real. great. just great. and they looked at me funny. like, who the hell is this?? sigh............

i love my form teacher. he's so nice, compared to ah guat i had last year. like, he really wants to help me and my friend may to do better in our studies this year. and im really touched. but argh.........i feel stressed trying to fit in my class. maybe im thinking too much, but somehow things always manage to turn out as bad or worse than i imagine. dad says that i don't have to worry, and they'll all treat me like a big sister. bah. this is majorly depressing.

yingx, thanks for your prompt reply as usual. i love u to bits. i'll try and forget him. you've made me feel much better. :D


at 9:50 PM

2nd post for today.

i think i've just realised how much i love my sister. i mean, sure, i love her cos she's my baby sis, but now i realise that no matter how much we fight or whatever happens to make me hate her gut, i'll still love her indefinately.

my sis told me that when she was young, she looked up to me for everything. like whatever i did, liked etc., she'd follow too. i still remember i used to tell mum stuff and sis would want to know too. and i would get really irritated and once i called her "Miss Nosey", and that sent her to the room crying. but now, looking back, i guess she doesn't want to be left out, and she wants to be part of her big sister's life. haha. im sure my sis will snort and go "Nooooooo" after reading this, but i'll just want to think it this way. :)

this afternoon, my sis kept asking me things about school. and then i think she asked me where the lecture theatre was, and i asked her how come her OG knew but she didn't. and she simply said: "cos i have you." it didn't occur to me then, but thinking about it now, it really warms my heart. my little sis trusts me enough to depend on me, and that means more than anything in the world. i feel really guilty now for not sitting through the math lecture with her, even though she really wanted me to. oh gosh. the tears are coming..........

im reading my sister's keeper, the one about the organ-donor pair of sisters. i asked sis if she would donate her kidney to me, and she said yes.

i would too. i'll give up my life for my sister. cos without her, life isn't worth living anymore.


at 4:55 PM

this week will be my last week of holiday before my official lessons start. eeeek!! better enjoy while i still can.

i think of all the mee gorengs i've tried, the ones cooked by chinese still taste the best. which is really ironic because it's a malay dish. i find the malay ones are always a bit too dry.

i did a good deed today. this st nic's girl came up to me in school today and asked for directions to LT4. i pointed her the way, but it was pretty hard to follow for a newcomer so i just brought her there myself. her name is rachel, and she came to hc via softball. she's nice. the vice principal told us this morning that there would be 20 over physics classes, 12 bio classes and 5 arts classes. whoa. seems like the competition for physics would be intense. good for me i guess.

and then during the briefing, they told us about the promotion criteria and that 10 of us retained last year. hear hear. take it from someone who knows. and then they actually used MY grades last year as a real-life example!! bloody fuck. i was damn pissed. at least they removed my name or i would've sued their pants off.

yep. came home early............. nothing much. thats all for today.


at 2:49 PM

we're moving to the new house symbolically next thursday. next saturday, then we'll REALLY move. i cant believe it. the house isnt even completed yet!!! mum will scold me for saying this, but i have to. MY HOUSE IS IN RUINS!!! :P

found out last night from my friend last night that im put into my junior class!!! YAY!! :D at least im still with my friends and i can see them everyday. hope its realiable. yangx was having a hard time deciding on his subject combi. seesh. just decide what career you want and choose accordingly man!! its not rocket science dude. he also told us about his orientation. at least both he and sis enjoyed their orientations. good for them. we also played monopoly - singapore edition. sis and i were like on monopoly marathon. i won all the times we played, though sis kept getting the most expensive, Sentosa Cove. unfair. :(

well, at least the good thing about moving to the new place is that i can use my laptop again, which thus means uploading loads of pictures long over due.

im so tempted to change my blogskin. should I?


at 7:27 PM

im blogging everyday. and the only 2 reasons are either 1. you really have an interesting life that people deserve to know about. 2. you're bored with nothing better to do. yingx falls into the 1st category. im in the 2nd.

anyway, ive finally, FINALLY finished The Pact. and i have to say, it's one of my favourite books of all time. i wish i could watch the movie, but im sure it would be shallow compared to the book. and i must tell you, i loved it and hated it at the same time. it absolutely tore my heart to shreads. i was crying; and the inconvenient thing is i was in school, in full sight of everyone. so i had to like hide my face in my arms so people won't think:" why is this weirdo crying for no reason?" when i read the last page, my heart gave a painful wrench. yes people, it's that painful. even my friend, who is a guy, cried when he finished the book. and i think the questions this book poses to us is really true. can we ever really know our children? how far would you go for someone you love?

if you want to know what the book is about, go google it and read the blurb. right now, let me quote some of my favourite paragraphs of the book, especially the ones that really hit home.

1.
"Melanie glanced at the baby's translucent eyelids and slack bow mouth, and reluctantly transferred her to the plastic bassinet beside the bed. Emily barely took up a third of the space.

'Do you mind?' Gus asked softly, pointing to the bassinet and then to Chris, snoring softly in her arms. 'Go right ahead.' Melanie watched Gus lay her son beside Emily.

'Look at that,' Michael said. 'My daughter's an hour old and she's already sleeping with some guy.'

They all looked at the bassinet. The baby startled, a reflex. Her long fingers flailed open like a morning glory and curled back into fists, grabbing for purchase.And although she was completely unaware, when Emily Golf again settled into sleep, she was holding tight to Christopher Harte's hand."





2.
" 'Jesus,' he said, 'you're bleeding.'

'i know. i cut myself.'

'on what?'

Emily shook her head. 'it's nothing.' she said. but she let chris lead her into the kitchen and sit her down while he retrieved a bandaid. if he noticed that his own initials were on her arm, he was wise enough to kee silent. she closed her eyes while he touched her with all the acre in the world, and she started to heal."






3.
"Now. Now.

He was crying so hard at this point that when he looked at Emily from the corner of his eye, her face wavered, and he believed he had already begun to forget her. But then he blinked and she was beautiful, calm and waiting, her mouth opened like it sometimes did when she fell asleep. she opened her eyes and all he could see was her conviction.

'Oh, I love you,' he said, at least he thought he did, but Emily heard him anyway. She brought up her right hand, and settled over his, her fingers curving over his own to urge him on.
She pressed his hand, and it squeezed on the trigger, and then he was deaf and dizzy and falling, with Emily still in his arms."






ok, theres loads, loads more, but i cant possibly type all cos it's too long. all in all, it has affected the way i look at love, and life and children. especially whe emily, a talented artist drew a picture of a skull with clouds in the eyes and a long red tongue. it was titled self-portrait. i love it when authors use this kind of thing to show you some deeper meaning, for you to draw parallels, something that hits you like BAM! which words can never do as well. im deviating. im a romantic. i have a very idealistic opinion of love, how i want my guy to be, where i want a relationship to go. and i felt i could really connect with the story cos Chris really sounded like my dream guy. handsome, smart, athletic........yet Emily probably wanted more, but how much more, she wasnt clear herself either. yet, the stress of it, plus her teenage pregnancy, drove her to suicide. though she knew that chris would marry her right away, or at least go with her to the abortion, she still never told chris. even on her dying day.

of course, thank god it's just a story. or if it's inspired by a true story, im glad i don't know those people. yet, im envious and jealous of the relationship between chris and emily; cos i know i'll never get the chance cos my childhood is nearly over. and my children in the future? will they ever go through something like this? what if they're in trouble and they don't ask for help, and end up being suicidal?

one question at the back of the book is "Chris and Emily grew up with love, wealth, with each other. what more could they have needed?" this question stumped me. i guess it's easier with Emily. maybe more space? but it still seems like an inadequate answer. chris? i don't know.......anyone who has read this book? opinions??

gosh this is like my longest post ever. both in length and time spent on it. :P


at 7:42 PM

ok. don't need to wait till next friday. sis is ALREADY in love in hwachong. bleh. she's a nanyang girl. she's SUPPOSED to love the school.

today, i was a little smarter and brought my book with me. it's called The Pact by jodi picoult. yes, the my sister's keeper author. and oh my god, its so so so sad and touching. i swear, i'll be in tears the moment i finish the book. i feel i can really put myself in the chracters' shoes. i actually bought this book before my olevels, but im completing it only now. cos i would be too moody to study after reading it.

so i left school at about 1pm, and caught the bus to great world city. i had lunch at the food court and then i caught the jude law movie called "my blueberry nights". norah jones was the lead actress. and OH MY GOD. this must be the most BORING, SLOW AND SHITTY MOVIE OF ALL TIME. it was so damn slow, i can close my eyes and still be on the same scene. oh. but it was quite refreshing seeing natalie portman with short, blonde, curly hair. and also - swearing. it was like, whoa, queen amidala is using the F-word. :P the only consolation is that jude law is one hell of a good kisser. he's fantastic. i mean, im not attracted to him the way i am to rafa, i just think it'll be awesome to kiss him. :P

yep. reached school at about 5.10pm and went home with sis. now im home blogging. to yingx: OH MY GOD IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY FOR U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY LITTLE GIRL IS ALL GROWN UP NOW!! AND YOU'RE THE 1ST ONE AMONG THE 4 OF US TO BE ATTACHED!! XDXDXD i cant put into words how happy i am for you. sorry i cant reply you now, but i promise i will tmr. i have received your email by the way. yep yep. talk to you soon.


at 8:59 PM

when you smile, everyone smiles with you. when you cry, you cry alone.

i finally see how true this phrase is. in fact, it's so true it's scary. i was practically alone today. i don't fancy may's friends very much; my friends had lessons; and sis has orientation. im supposed to have it too but i can't bring myself to. my ogl said it was ok anyway. however, my parents are blissfully unaware and are still under the impression that im attending orientation like the rest of the newcomers. BLAH. like that is ever going to happen.

im not saying my friends are unsupportive. its just that none of them truly know how i feel. and even if they do, there's nothing they can do. the pain of not fitting in anywhere: seeing my friends go to class but i can't follow; see the juniors having orientation but can't fit in. the pain is killing me. just now i just curled up in my bed and cried. in fact, im surprised i didnt start tearing in school. but i suppose it has reached the point where you're so sad that the tears can't come out anymore. sis seemed to have enjoyed her first day besides the first day jitters. by friday next week she'll be thoroughly in love with the school and i'll be a loner. she says:" just go for orientation la!" like i said, if she truly understood how i felt, she'll understand why i can't go. my friends were all like, "oh! we miss you!" and stuff like that. i really don't doubt their sincerity. in fact, im really touched. but i know they will eventually get used to it, and when the workload gets really heavy, they'll forget.

oh. my sis had her dream come true and got into the humanities programme. :) well, at least one of us is happy. im so proud of her.

so i spent my day mostly in the library reading. i was so bored i just picked up any random book. so i started reading this book called "The glass palace". kinda boring but i was lazy to change book. it was only then i realised how quiet the library was. maybe cos the school year just started and the nerds aren't in full force yet. haha. when i finally left it was only then i realised it had rained. i was totally oblivious man.

left school about 3+ cos sis only ended about 6. so i actually stopped by my old holland road condo cos i missed it and wondered how it was doing. so when i stepped off the bus, an njc girl did too. and lo and behold, it was yihui!!!!!!! :D love love love yi hui!! we were both so shocked! haha. so we went to my old place but the gate was locked and we couldn't enter! :( so we parted after i alighted from the bus that took me to tanglin mall. there i had a late lunch and starbucks coffee. was sitting at starbucks in my little corner and stared off into space. sigh. walked around somemore to kill time. finally left to take the bus back to school. sis was supposed to end at 6 but was delayed 20 mins! my mind nearly went mad from waiting.

its such a relief to be home. i wish i could just curl up and sleep, and not wake up anymore. yea sure, i was looking forward to drive this year. but i guess once you're dead, who cares about anything else then?

sorry yingx. i know you feel really confused and lost too. but please, let me be selfish during this period of time. just keep me updated and i'll give u advice when i feel better. im not in the mood to think of anything else now.


at 4:01 PM

SCHOOL TMR.

i think the pain im going through can rival a prisoner of war's. i wanted to start swearing but i thought i shouldn't start the year using the F word, even though the thought is seriously sorely tempting.

i am currently home with ping an cos the whole family including maria has gone to the new house to do some cleaning. duno if i should be considered lucky, i mean, i only HAVE a canine for company. but still, its a cute one so i shant say more......

was supposed to have dinner with aunty allyson yesterday but yangx came down with a headache to the plan got scrapped. so basically just we just welcomed the new year with our "Jumong" marathon, watching the countdown party, and watching the 8 minute fireworks. some people actually queued for like 13 hours to secure a spot. crazy. i mean, its just fireworks la. man! some people are sooooo deprived. they'll flip if they go to disneyland. :P

yingx, read your blog and looks like your new year was pretty low key too. lobe u babe, and i hope u have ure answer ready for B when he asks. :P MAKE IT GOOD!! :D


at 12:00 AM

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!!! I LOVE U ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS 2008!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!